Just my thoughts

I have been bothered by a question asked of President Todd yesterday by one of the sisters during our Ward Conference. The question was asked with a little embarrassment and I have wondered how I would have answered. Pres. Todd asked his wife to respond, and she did a nice job. I felt like there was much more that could have been said, however. The question was this: We've been told all our lives that women bring into a marriage a spirituality that is special and that Heavenly Father thinks his daughters are special; that they are powerful because of this. What do men bring to the table, so to speak?

I think I've remembered the question just as she spoke it. It was like I'd been hit in the face with a glass of water, just a little. Have we as leaders done our jobs a little too well in some instances that young sisters feel so good about themselves that they feel superior and that the man they are looking for doesn't exist?

As I reflect back on the time that I was looking for an eternal companion, I remember one very critical experience in dating Clyde. He was not your standard return-missionary-looking guy. His hair was long, he had facial hair and he dressed like a hippy. He didn't have a suit, but wore a tie with his denim shirt to church. He really was a risk. However, he was a very good person. He had never seriously transgressed the commandments and he was seeking after righteousness. He was preparing to go to the temple. He was working on tempering his own imperfections. At this point, he really didn't believe that appearance was all that important. He was working hard on the “judging” others were doing of him. He actually told me the reason he looked as he did was because if others couldn't like him for who he is, he didn't want to know them. I thought this strange.

As we were becoming serious in our courtship, we spent a Sunday between meetings reading each others' Patriarchal Blessings. I was stunned at what the Lord saw in him. The potential for him to achieve was great. It was plain to me that he had the capacity to sit in high counsels in the church and at the same time be a successful business man in whatever field he chose. He would have children who would bring him great joy. All I could think after reading this was “Sign me up!” There were some warnings; one that has been slow in coming but has definitely been critical to him. The word that was used was “conform”. I remember the general idea but not the wording. It was that he would need to conform to the teachings of the gospel to achieve the blessings he had been promised.

So, to answer the question. What did Clyde bring to the table?

• For one, the Priesthood, without which none of the blessings promised in either of our blessings could have been fulfilled. It is what makes him who he is. As he has exercised his priesthood, he has blessed the lives of our children as well as my own. As he has tried to be a worthy priesthood holder, he has tempered his own desires for worldly behavior and sought after the things of eternal worth. He has encouraged his family to do the same.
• Perspective. Men bring to the table a more constant and unemotional perspective. They aren't as uptight about the things that really don't matter and they temper women to stay more grounded. This too is a two-way street, however.
• Calm. Men don't have mood swings. They can be injured and withdraw at times; but generally they stay calm through the storms.
• Protection. If the wife will allow it, they are there to protect us from the things of the world. We have a tendency to reach out a bit too much sometimes. They protect us from taking on too much which spreads us so thin that we can't be good at anything – especially rearing our families. They protect us from ourselves as we tend to be hard on ourselves because of the high standards we have set for ourselves and our families. They remind us that life is a process and we are all processing.
• They preside over our family. This too is something we as women need to let them do at all costs. It is a very hard thing to do because of our natures, but it is not in God's plan for the woman to preside. The insight of a righteous woman will allow a man to take this roll seriously and grow in it. She can gently encourage, but must never take over this roll. In doing so, the family becomes “tilted” and dysfunctional.  

As I was thinking on this, the thoughts were flowing and I thought there were more. I don't know that I articulated them very well. However, the man brings to the table things that the woman is slower to achieve. Yes, she can make a living. She can protect herself to a degree, but not like he can. It is a relationship designed by God and one would be wise to examine this question seriously before making a commitment of marriage. Is he bringing the right things to the table?