“O,
that I were an angel. . .” I relate so
much to this chapter that I felt to write about it this morning. I’ve probably written this before because
this chapter is like a step back in time to the first time I read it.
As
I began reading with earnest from the Book of Mormon (some 40 year ago), there
were certain prophets I could really relate to.
Alma is one of them. His life was
a mess, and an angel of the Lord came to him and his conversion of miraculous. In verse 11 he speaks of the captivity of his
fathers. I remember my own
captivity. I was in bondage of the worse
kind – the bondage to sin and the effect of others in my life. I had lost my will to voice my own opinion
being afraid of ridicule and what? Maybe
persecution. I don’t really know. I only know I was a shell of a person with no
soul and I had lost the Spirit.
Who
was my angel? There were several who
took my spiritual welfare seriously and started teaching me gospel
principles. The first step though was
reading the Book of Mormon. At first it
was a hard go. I enjoyed the story of
Lehi’s family. I believe most of us
do. I was guided through the Isaiah
chapters. I believe most converts do
struggle there. My friends guided me
around these chapters and I embraced the stories with a fullness I will never
forget. I enjoyed staying up at night
and reading. I was on fire with
something I didn’t understand and I was happy for the first time in many years. I loved this book! I loved the things I was learning. Daily I had friends who would talk to me about
what I’d read, etc. It was a great time
in my life and one I will never forget or take lightly.
And
if I were an angel, what would I declare?
Who would I declare it to? Our
mission is not one of proselyting. It is
one of service. My biggest mission is my
family. We have fallen apart at the eternal
seams. Why? Because three daughters have forgotten. They have forgotten the warmth the gospel
brings into our lives and chosen to be bitter that the Lord did not answer
their prayers as they felt they should be answered. One of the brethren (I believe Elder Holland)
said in cases like these that we should give up what we want, as the Lord has
something better in mind. I believe with
all my heart this is a truth. Oh how I
wanted my (then) husband to embrace the gospel, be a righteous priesthood
holder and lead our family in righteousness.
That was pretty much a pipe dream.
I walked away from that desire and the Lord had something so much better
in mind that I marvel.
So
what would I declare? I would declare
that the Lord loves each of us with a love we cannot comprehend. I believe he is all-powerful and can bless us
in ways unimaginable. I believe that
even the worst day knowing that Heavenly Father is there and is watching out
for us is better than the best day outside the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is no joy I can think of that can
compare with the joy of knowing you have aligned your life with gospel truths
and that the Lord is guiding your life.
I would declare that the answer to all life’s problems is in the Book of
Mormon and that it needs to become a daily habit of studying it and applying
its teachings to ones life. If you want
happiness, this is the fastest way to it.
I watched it work in my own life.
I also saw it work in my daughter’s life. Friends challenged her to read from the Book
of Mormon and there was an amazing transformation. Unfortunately, when she
stopped reading daily, the light dimmed and she continues to stumble even
today. She became vulnerable to the lies
anyone would tell her. Needless to say,
true joy seems to elude her.
Do I dare post these thoughts? It helps to write them. O that I were an angel and could have the
desire of my heart! I would preach
repentance and the saving power of the atonement in a way that would change the
lives of others. But I, like Alma, am
constrained. About all I can do is set a
righteous example and be happy. I know
the Lord has a plan and I trust in that plan.
I know my prayers will be answered – some day.
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