Yearn to Learn — Haunting Questions

I felt a quiet nudge this morning to begin reading the new For the Strength of Youth Guide.

I assumed I’d move through it quickly.

Impossible!

There is too much here to absorb—too many invitations to slow down, to think, to become.

And maybe that’s why the question still haunts me:

Why didn’t I choose to follow Jesus Christ when I left home?

I’ve asked myself that more than once.

I was raised in a good home by righteous parents. We lived Gospel principles. I knew what was good and what wasn’t. However, I don’t remember being taught how to seek personal guidance from the Holy Ghost, or how to turn to the scriptures for answers. My prayers were the same ones I had said as a child—familiar, but without depth or intention.

So, when I left home, I drifted — or more like crashed and burned.

Looking back, I can see the beginnings of who I was meant to become. I was given gifts! I loved music—it was a gift I didn’t fully develop. but I loved it. I was a peacemaker, sometimes to a fault, avoiding contention when I should have been learning to stand for truth. But to stand, I would have needed a testimony. And that came later. First, I had to yearn to learn. Maybe it had to be painful before I reached that point.

How blessed the youth are today to be both taught and guided so intentionally.

Then I turn my questions in the other direction — the direction that brings me to today.

Where would I be if I had chosen differently?

That thought haunts me.

Because the life I have now is not one I would trade. It is one I cherish I have an eternal companion I adore and love completely, who is the joy of my life. Our marriage is steady and deeply cherished. And I can’t help but wonder—would I appreciate that gift as fully if I hadn’t known something so different before?

Some experiences feel like detours when we’re in them — those difficult roads that cause pain and learning through hard knocks of life. 
But later, they become contrast.
And sometimes, that contrast quietly teaches us what we might never have learned any other way.

I don’t have answers to the questions that still haunt me.

But this I know:

I am where I’m supposed to be.
And I am doing what the Lord would have me do now.

So, I’ll keep reading. Slowly. Thoughtfully.
Because this guide isn’t just for youth.

It’s for anyone still yearning to learn how to follow Him.

And maybe the questions that haunt us aren’t meant to be answered—but to keep us turned toward Him.