The Desire of My Heart - Alma 29

“O, that I were an angel. . .”  I relate so much to this chapter that I felt to write about it this morning.  I’ve probably written this before because this chapter is like a step back in time to the first time I read it.  

As I began reading with earnest from the Book of Mormon (some 40 year ago), there were certain prophets I could really relate to.  Alma is one of them.  His life was a mess, and an angel of the Lord came to him and his conversion of miraculous.  In verse 11 he speaks of the captivity of his fathers.  I remember my own captivity.  I was in bondage of the worse kind – the bondage to sin and the effect of others in my life.  I had lost my will to voice my own opinion being afraid of ridicule and what?  Maybe persecution.  I don’t really know.  I only know I was a shell of a person with no soul and I had lost the Spirit. 

Who was my angel?  There were several who took my spiritual welfare seriously and started teaching me gospel principles.  The first step though was reading the Book of Mormon.  At first it was a hard go.  I enjoyed the story of Lehi’s family.  I believe most of us do.  I was guided through the Isaiah chapters.  I believe most converts do struggle there.  My friends guided me around these chapters and I embraced the stories with a fullness I will never forget.  I enjoyed staying up at night and reading.  I was on fire with something I didn’t understand and I was happy for the first time in many years.  I loved this book!  I loved the things I was learning.  Daily I had friends who would talk to me about what I’d read, etc.  It was a great time in my life and one I will never forget or take lightly. 

And if I were an angel, what would I declare?  Who would I declare it to?  Our mission is not one of proselyting.  It is one of service.  My biggest mission is my family.  We have fallen apart at the eternal seams.  Why?  Because three daughters have forgotten.  They have forgotten the warmth the gospel brings into our lives and chosen to be bitter that the Lord did not answer their prayers as they felt they should be answered.  One of the brethren (I believe Elder Holland) said in cases like these that we should give up what we want, as the Lord has something better in mind.  I believe with all my heart this is a truth.  Oh how I wanted my (then) husband to embrace the gospel, be a righteous priesthood holder and lead our family in righteousness.  That was pretty much a pipe dream.  I walked away from that desire and the Lord had something so much better in mind that I marvel. 

So what would I declare?  I would declare that the Lord loves each of us with a love we cannot comprehend.  I believe he is all-powerful and can bless us in ways unimaginable.  I believe that even the worst day knowing that Heavenly Father is there and is watching out for us is better than the best day outside the gospel of Jesus Christ.  There is no joy I can think of that can compare with the joy of knowing you have aligned your life with gospel truths and that the Lord is guiding your life.  I would declare that the answer to all life’s problems is in the Book of Mormon and that it needs to become a daily habit of studying it and applying its teachings to ones life.  If you want happiness, this is the fastest way to it.  I watched it work in my own life.  I also saw it work in my daughter’s life.  Friends challenged her to read from the Book of Mormon and there was an amazing transformation. Unfortunately, when she stopped reading daily, the light dimmed and she continues to stumble even today.  She became vulnerable to the lies anyone would tell her.  Needless to say, true joy seems to elude her. 

Do I dare post these thoughts?  It helps to write them.  O that I were an angel and could have the desire of my heart!  I would preach repentance and the saving power of the atonement in a way that would change the lives of others.  But I, like Alma, am constrained.  About all I can do is set a righteous example and be happy.  I know the Lord has a plan and I trust in that plan.  I know my prayers will be answered – some day. 

Alma 9:28 . . . Reap the reward of their works.

“Therefore, prepare ye the way of the Lord, for the time is at hand that all men shall reap a reward of their works . . . .”

I can hardly focus on anything I read anymore because the lives of some of my children are screaming so loud all I can hear is their open rebellion against God.  How did this happen?  How can someone who has so openly professed their love of the Lord and his goodness to them, and basked in His goodness to them, so completely forget the promises they have made to live as He would have them live? Frankly, I would be scared to death.  I don’t get it.

Do the words of the prophets fall on deaf ears:  “. . . ye shall utterly be destroyed from off the face of the earth.” (Alma 9:24)  “. . .it should be far more tolerable for the Lamanites (or the bad guys) than for them.” v22 “Yea, and after having been delivered of God (all three girls were once delivered out of their own dark abyss), . . . and been saved . . . and they having waxed strong in battle, (they were all active in callings), . . . having been brought out of bondage time after time, and having been kept and preserved until now; and they have been prospered until they were rich in all manner of things. . .(they have no idea how much they have been blessed).  (v23)  how could they go “contrary to the light”?  I can not understand. 

But I see a trend among our young people – as well as not so young.  There seems to be a movement toward body worship.  The gyms are full of men and women working to get their bodies fit.  Once they shed pounds and sculpt muscles, there is a desire to show this new “beauty” to the world for their approval.  It seems for some reason that removing their temple garments is the next move.  Granted, not all do this.  But it seems to be a path that many follow.  I worry when young mothers walk out of the gym in their gym clothes and go shopping because they’re already out, or that they go home and get busy cleaning their homes because they’re already sweaty.  I know the temple garment is a protection.  Some would interpret that to be a physical protection, and that’s true.  But it is also an invisible shield against the evils of the world.  Somehow, it tends to keep our minds and spirits focused on things of an eternal nature and when we take them off in open rebellion, we are setting ourselves up for some hard lessons.  I’ve yet to see someone do this but what trouble hasn’t been on the heels of this rebelliousness. 

So where am I going with all this?  I think I’m just rambling.  But my heart is aching as I’ve seen another daughter put aside those things of an eternal nature for the attractions of the world and hope for some kind of happiness.  She has tired of waiting on the Lord.  No doubt she will find out again, that the Lord is quite serious in his commands, his promises, and his fulfillment of those promises – for, no doubt about it, we will all reap the rewards of our works. 

Alma 2 – Am I Prepared

As I read Alma 2 this morning, it was with a different viewpoint than I believe I have read it in the past. 

Currently in the world there are hundreds of thousands of refugees fleeing from their countries because of people like Amlici who have taken over their countries and for some reason made good people feel the need to flee to another place.  So many displaced people with nowhere to go.  This is a grave concern, and one that the Brethren addressed in General Conference yesterday. 

Much of my night was spent dreaming/thinking about these people, their plight and the thought that it might be my plight some day.  Where would the people of the United States flee?  We are the last safe place?  There is only one refuge – and that is in the arms of the Savior.  What if the United States becomes overrun with evil leaders?  We are facing one of the most contentious elections I have ever witnessed.  There isn’t one person running for office who would really be a good fit for the values this country use to embrace.  We are all in a very precarious place.  If something doesn’t happen, might we also be fleeing?  I couldn’t help but wonder this as I was reading about the Nephites fighting the Amlicites and Lamanites. 

We’ve been told there will be troubled waters to tread in the last days.  We’ve been told our testimonies must be our own and stronger than ever.  We’ve been told that we need to prepare our homes and our lives.  Am I prepared?  Are we prepared for the events that we face in the not-to-distant future? 

And the bigger question is this:  Are we in a situation to help displaced refugees?  Could we reasonably house a family in our home?  Certainly we have room, but would this be a place where they could find employment to learn to sustain themselves?  These are questions that at least need to be addressed.  Never before in my life have I felt so dependent upon the Lord for the answers. 

Mosiah 16 - And They Would Not

Abinadi is teaching Noah and his priests and is very much protected by the Lord to do so.  I stopped on a couple of verses.

Verse 1 – I wrote in my margin Isaiah 40:5.  This is the verse quoted in Jesus The Christ, where it declares that everyone will see the Lord and know.  Of course, I always wonder what that’s going to look like. 

Verse 3 – Where it talks of our first parents being beguiled by Satan.  It took me to Galatians 5:19 (16-26) where it talks about the fruits of the Spirit.  If we have the Spirit with us, Satan will not be able to beguile us.  Does that mean that even though Adam and Eve were very aware and occasionally talked with the Lord, that they were without the Spirit?  Well, we know the Holy Ghost is the Spirit and he hadn’t made his appearance on earth yet.  So, of course, Eve was without the Spirit at the time that Satan beguiled her.   And, we know she was in a state of innocence because she hadn’t yet partaken of the fruit.

Verse 4 – All mankind were in a lost and fallen state, and God (Jesus Christ) redeemed his people.  Why does this snag me this morning?  Because at one time or another, we will all be in a lost and fallen state just by the very nature of our birth.  We have to accept Christ as our Redeemer to progress. 

Verse 5 – cautions against those who persist in his own carnal nature.  Of course, this verse always makes me sad.  At that point we are an enemy to God.  It’s so hard to realize so many people I love are enemies to God. 

But then the chapter goes on to talk about Christ being the light and life of the world.  How blessed I am for this knowledge.  How blessed I am to realize life really is a process and we are each one here to learn and grow.  How blessed I am to know the “arms of mercy are extended towards” all of us if we will repent.  How I yearn for the day when all my children and their children will repent and allow the fruits of the Spirit to mold their lives.  This really is what happens.  Once we have the Spirit in our lives, the attributes of the Spirit that were lying dormant in us begin to come to life.  What a beautiful day that is!

Mosiah 9 – Awaken and Remember

Zeniff seems to be a good guy, albeit it a bit over-zealous by his own admission (v3).  In his over-zealousness, the people became slow to remember the Lord.  This creates an issue, but it doesn’t last. 

The Lamanites were kind enough to them as they were wandering around, looking for the land they could not find, and offered them an area to live in.  The Lamanite king had an evil plan.  He had his people move out of this land so Zeniff’s people could have it.  Zeniff’s people were industrious.  They built buildings, repaired walls, tilled the ground and began to prosper. 

During this time, the Lamanites were a very lazy people, idolatrous and began to “glut” themselves with the labor of Zeniff’s people.  They created contentions by killing and chasing their flocks while they were watering them and basically causing havoc.  Zeniff created and armed his people with weapons of all kinds.  And now I come to my point of pondering:  v17 “Yea, in the strength of the Lord did we go forth to battle against the Lamanites; for I and my people did cry mightily to the Lord that he would deliver us out of the hands of our enemies, for we were awakened to a rememberance of the deliverance of our fathers.”

Zeniff and his people weren’t evil.  They just weren’t on track.  What did it take for them to have a change of heart?  After all, it sounds like life was pretty good for them.  V9 says they “prospered in the land”.  What was the turning point?  They were being beaten and abused.  Their enemy was making life miserable – miserable enough that they woke up and remembered.  What did they remember?  They remembered the deliverance of their fathers.  Who were their fathers?  They were Nephites?  How many times was Nephi – aka the good guys – beaten?  Enough that there was probably no shortage of things they could remember.  Possibly the first one that comes to my mind was on the boat that brought them to America when Nephi was bound with cords and the ship was in peril and they were all headed for imminent death if something didn’t happen.  Nephi was released, prayed, the storm stopped, and the people were saved.  That’s just one.

So how does this apply to me today?  Maybe not to me personally, because I do remember.  Every day I remember the awfulness of being in bondage.  I had a miserable existence.  It wasn’t until I awakened, and remembered, that I was able to break from that bondage that my life changed.  The Lord was quick to hear my cries for help.  I did go forth and battled my enemies – not all of them were people.  God did hear my prayers and I went forth in his might against my demons – those things that held me bondage.  It was not an easy thing.  But I am here to testify the Lord hears our cries.  He knows what is happening in our lives and is involved in the details.  He is waiting for us to humble ourselves and wake up to our awful situation and remember the lessons we were taught in our youth.  Remember, remember, remember! 

I’m grateful for this time in my life, and the testimony I gained of the Savior’s love and care for each of us.  It is this experience that gives me great hope for anyone who has wandered off the path of righteousness and become numb to the things of the Spirit.  When it hurts bad enough – when the trials of life are more than they can bear – I pray with all my heart they will drop to their knees and remember and have the courage to make the changes to be brought from bondage.